I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
