I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
