She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
