What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
