this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
