I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
