I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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