i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
