Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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