Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
