im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
