he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
