im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
