They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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