Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My vagina just clenched in fear
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
