I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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