Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
