Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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