she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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