He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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