So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Drunk is a universal language darling
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
