I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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