Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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