jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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