My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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