My brain says no but my pants say off.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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