Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
