somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
