There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
