youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
