she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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