her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
