Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
did i just pee glitter
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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