Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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