I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
