babies were throwing up all over the place
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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