how can u be prego again
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
