The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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