Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
