Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
