well I can't set my house on fire every night
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
