So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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