I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
