i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
