dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's rum buckets o'clock
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
