I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
