I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
