i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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