You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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