mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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