Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
