You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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