I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
