Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
